009 – It’s Your Move [Commitment]

There are 3 options when your relationship is really bad:

  • Stay where you are (miserable)
  • Do something
  • Separate / Divorce

We were at that point at the 3rd year of our marriage. Carolann was feeling like “the other woman.” We knew things were bad and we were both trying to fix the other. One decision we made and said out loud to each other was the turning point.

We share that principal and dive into a recent incident were Carolann believed that I chose work over her. In that process we share a communication tool from Gary Smalley called, “Drive Thru Talking.”

Be sure to listen to the out-takes at the end where Carolann surprises me (again) about how she felt about our relationship.


Photo by Hassan Pasha on Unsplash

008 – Being Irritated

This morning I was really irritated and grumpy with Carolann. In this episode we share how the morning went and how within 10 minutes my grumpiness melted away.

In our discussion we reference the book “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. It’s available on Amazon (not an affiliate link).

Our discussion audio is also on YouTube
https://youtu.be/sBAo7-ta6tc

007 – Praying Outloud

Today we talk about our principle #1: Staying Connected to God

  • Local church
    • Worshiping
    • Serving
  • Bible reading/listening
    • Individually
    • Together
  • Pray out-loud together
    • Including praying your wedding vows

The books by Gary Smalley that we mention are:

  1. For Better or for Best:
    A Valuable Guide to Knowing, Understanding, and Loving your Husband
    Amazon (not an affiliate link)
  2. If Only He Knew:
    A Valuable Guide to Knowing, Understanding, and Loving Your Wife
    Amazon (not an affiliate link)

 

006 – From Zero To One

One of our “superfans” asked, “What did we do to start, from 0 to 1?”

  1. We are not experts, just a couple sharing our journey to inspire and help others.
  2. For every person and time the process will be different.
  3. Our lives are so complex, we learn different ways, our life experiences
  4. There isn’t a magic formula or 5 steps, if there were it would be in the Bible.

We describe our pain, our first steps, and remember you are not alone.

But we have 5 principles:

  1. Stay connected to God [future episode]
    • Local church
    • Bible reading/listening, individual or together
    • Pray out-loud together
  2. Commit to your relationship [future episode]
    • divorce is not an option, unless unfaithful or abusive
    • It doesn’t seem possible at the time
    • Being on the other side, it’s a wonderful deeply meaningful place to be, to have worked through it
    • Logic doesn’t heal hurts, it helps pull you through
    • Baby Steps: worst day now better than the best day then
  3. Keep trying, keep learning [future episode]
    • Read, watch, listen, discuss
    • Authors we found helpful
      • Gary Smalley – Drive Thru Talking, Five Levels of Communication
      • Gary Chapman – The Other Side of Love (Anger), The Five Love Languages
      • Emerson Eggerichs – Love and Respect
  4. Be honest [future episode]
    • “I feel this way right now” but that doesn’t mean it’s forever
    • Self Realization
    • Outside influences
  5. Talk, Hold, and Cry [future episode]
    • Important for both
    • Share feelings and needs
    • Capture your thoughts
    • Find the bigger issues

Question we asked on FB
“What is the biggest thing that couples struggle with?”
Honesty (2), Quarantine, Communication (3), Money (2), Self Esteem, Agreeing how to parent, Controlling, Communicating Expectations, Cooperation

005 – Anger and Resentment

24 hours ago, Carolann and I were sitting on the loveseat in a very bad emotional state.

She was really angry at me and I was listening to her, feeling lost.

In the podcast we talk about how we went from that place to being able to sing in the kitchen today.


Carolann’s anger processing steps from Gary Chapman:

  1. Realize you are angry and it’s ok.
  2. Get more information. Ask questions.
  3. Do not react.
  4. Give yourself processing space.
  5. Take action: let it go and/or talk to the person.

 

003 – Secrets

In this episode we share secrets that we didn’t know about each other.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

 Jon’s tips for Guys to writing love notes:

  • There is no secret formula
  • Write what is on your heart
  • Be honest
  • Mention a reason why you choose to be with her today
  • Short is ok
  • Doesn’t always need to be romantic, sometimes we need to say, “I’m sorry.”
  • Wording doesn’t need to be perfect