010 – Where did the Romance go?

We share an emotional conversation we had wrestling with the question, “Where did the romance go?”

Highlights of this episode include:

      • Carolann shares why she married Jon (and it made him lose his breath).
      • We asked each other 2 dangerous questions.
      • Carolann shared how she felt like an emotional kaleidoscope.
      • There is a difference between
        “There doesn’t look like there is an answer” and
        “I can’t see the answer.”
      • There were 3 things that Jon said that brought Carolann’s smile back.
      • We discuss how this episode is an example of our principle #5.

Talk, Hold and Cry

    • It’s important for both to share, it’s not a one way conversation.
    • Share your feelings and needs.
    • Capture your thoughts; think before you speak.
    • Find the deeper issue(s) that are at the root of your feelings and needs.

Photo by Malcolm Lightbody on Unsplash

009 – It’s Your Move [Commitment]

There are 3 options when your relationship is really bad:

  • Stay where you are (miserable)
  • Do something
  • Separate / Divorce

We were at that point at the 3rd year of our marriage. Carolann was feeling like “the other woman.” We knew things were bad and we were both trying to fix the other. One decision we made and said out loud to each other was the turning point.

We share that principal and dive into a recent incident were Carolann believed that I chose work over her. In that process we share a communication tool from Gary Smalley called, “Drive Thru Talking.”

Be sure to listen to the out-takes at the end where Carolann surprises me (again) about how she felt about our relationship.

Photo by Hassan Pasha on Unsplash

005 – Anger and Resentment

24 hours ago, Carolann and I were sitting on the loveseat in a very bad emotional state.

She was really angry at me and I was listening to her, feeling lost.

In the podcast we talk about how we went from that place to being able to sing in the kitchen today.

Carolann’s anger processing steps from Gary Chapman:

  1. Realize you are angry and it’s ok.
  2. Get more information. Ask questions.
  3. Do not react.
  4. Give yourself processing space.
  5. Take action: let it go and/or talk to the person.


003 – Secrets

In this episode we share secrets that we didn’t know about each other.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

 Jon’s tips for Guys to writing love notes:

  • There is no secret formula
  • Write what is on your heart
  • Be honest
  • Mention a reason why you choose to be with her today
  • Short is ok
  • Doesn’t always need to be romantic, sometimes we need to say, “I’m sorry.”
  • Wording doesn’t need to be perfect